As I ponder the hopes and dreams I have for the coming year and the type of life I aspire to build in Spain, one word continues to take center stage: COMMUNITY.
Connection as the substance of life
Connection truly is the currency that never goes bankrupt (thanks, John C Maxwell for that slice of wisdom). It is a lifeline – a refuge, a glimmer of hope – to have a person or people that offers their honest, messy selves and sticks around to see yours. Every new experience I have continues to reinforce this belief. When I started a new job, enrolled at a new school, or moved to a new country, the common thread between each experience – the primary takeaway from every new endeavor – was that genuine relationships can be fostered in all environments; bonds are formed not despite our differences but because of them. Popularity, money, fancy cars, big homes, and a pretty Instagram….if you have all these things but never taste deep and meaningful connection, my heart is sad for you because you’ve missed the point.
A recipe for community-building
Community isn’t fancy. It sounds like, “Hey do you want to grab a cup of coffee this weekend?” or “What are your plans for the holidays?”. It looks like wine nights with a few friends, Zoom calls with family members, and walks outside during a Wisconsin winter (even when it’s 30 degrees out and too cold to warrant a walk). Community is just a little effort and a wide open heart where we show up as our honest selves rather than curated versions. One of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker, discusses in her book For the Love how to build community:
“Trust me, no one wants a perfect friend who can’t offer a minute of transparency. We can get that on Pinterest. Our souls ache for real people in real homes with real kids and real lives. We may carefully curate online identities with well-chosen pictures and selective information, but doing so leaves us starving for something true. I seek only friends who bleed and sweat and laugh and cry. Don’t fear your humanity; it is your best offering.”
– Jen Hatmaker
Has your life felt empty? Craving connection and relationships with depth? In need of new friends? Building deep and meaningful connections starts with bringing our honest, raw selves to the table. We can’t demand someone take a seat beside us but we can certainly make it more inviting to walk through the door. Relationship building requires consistent effort. It takes time and trust both of which are earned rather than freely given. But the result is worth every single second spent.
Start today!
Start by being the kind of friend that you hope for. Pray for the types of people you want in your life. Start to spend time in places that they would hang out. Do activities you enjoy and see who you meet along the way. It will feel totally awkward at first but the more time you commit to showing up as your true self, the easier it becomes to live your life from a place of unapologetic authenticity. Our life is richer when we have important people to spend it with. Continue to seek connection and I promise, it will pay dividends far beyond the initial investment.